| (no subject) |
[May. 9th, 2005|12:07 am] |
So much has happened, that I wouldn't even know where to begin.
Everything I've ever believed in has fallen apart.
And yet, somehow, from the ashes...a small, weak cry.
We're reborn.
And we're trying to build again.
There is now a mirror-feed for this journal. You've probably guessed, that this particular location won't be updated anymore.
Comment here if you want more information. Leave your email address in the comment. We'll get in touch with you.
-Fire |
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| We Are. |
[Dec. 6th, 2004|07:49 am] |
I apologize in advance. This is long. It's also extremely important, so bear with me.
This whole train of thought started out as a reply to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) eclective’s attempt to put together a research paper on Soulbonding.
After reviewing the rather lengthy reply that N. left on our behalf in reply to her request, I remembered that there was a chart out there somewhere on the internet that I had believed to be either on the Two Courts page or linked off of it in some way. If it is, I cannot find it now, and have no idea where it is.
But wandering around the web, looking for this information again and reviewing old emails between our system (Namely the Musician) and the Blackbirds made me both nostalgic, and infuriated for completely separate reasons.
Sometime, almost three years ago, we stumbled across a fanfic on the Wonderland page. In looking for an email to send a message to the author as feedback, we stumbled across the main Blackbirds site, 4 and 20. We were, to say the least, shocked.
I, as the host, have soulbonded and had other people fronting through this body for as long as I can remember. I realize that many plural groups are adverse to the term ‘host,’ as it implies that any of the others are less real. We do not feel this way, only because we do have a sort of ‘host’ situation more-so than some other plural/multiple groups, many of which don’t seem to have a main person that ‘owns’ the body. I have been here since the body was born. Before that, a different life that I’ve come to remember fragments of now. Before that, another. One thing that remains the same is my distinct connection to a King and Queen who I have found exist here now, as well. We’re still searching for others; other guardians that are connected to our original circle. We’ve, so far, found one that is confirmed. You’ll hear her referred to here often. Jupiter.
But I digress.
It wasn’t that we didn’t believe others existed that shared this unique phenomenon of not being alone. Soulbonding. Multiple. Plural. Whichever term you prefer, the idea is the same in that multiple souls/beings/entities are housed within one body.. What we didn’t know is that others were so open with what they were and their experiences. We thanked them for their bravery and told them that it inspired us to do the same.
And it did, for a time.
And then we ran into problems.
Doubters. People who called us fake. People who discounted the type of connection between those within the system. We watched the flamewars of the past from the sidelines of pages that seemed to have been left dormant for years, but the message they sent out was still clear. “What you are is wrong. What you are is fake. This is what ‘Soulbonding’ is. This is what being ‘Plural’ is. This is ‘Median.’ This is ‘Multiple.’
We were distressed to find that we couldn’t categorize ourselves, and there was a shadow of dissent among the group.
There shouldn’t have been. We’ve always been what we are, and we have never questioned it. Sure, there have been doubts amongst the collective about how real a person can be who hasn’t their own body, or how they feel as though they are less important now that they are no longer in contact with their original worlds. Relocation and introspection can make the most obvious proof dissipate like so much mist.
The problem was that we had decided that some of us wanted to reach out to other groups and communicate honestly as a group, rather than as a singlet lie.
We are not a singlet.
We are not one.
We are many.
We are not a disease.
We are not always well functioning, and happy. That does not make us wrong. That does not make us any less valid.
Still, looking back on those pages makes many of us, myself included, violently ill. SoulPuppetry. the Kurai.com “What Soulbonding Is” page....Even essays by Multiple groups who validate themselves while discrediting those who happen to have more outsourced than insourced people, or groups who do not function the same way that they do.
These are only some of the reasons the journal is locked; only some of the reasons that, while we long to reach out and be honest and open, we’re wary.
One of those problems is a recent experience with someone who lied. A singlet who attempted to get close to another system by claiming to be plural. A girl who said she soulbonded simply because she wanted to have ‘something in common’ with us, and have something to work from while she tried to, in essence, therapize.
We are not a disease.
Another big problem for us is Echoes. Laura’s essay on outsourced characters has a particular quote that just rings completely true for us, and always has, though she worded it in a way that we never could.
“All outsourced SBs are alternate versions of the character. Every single one. Sometimes obviously (like my Hotohori), sometimes more subtly (like my Soujiro), but there's no way out of it. No two people's take on a character is the same. Even if I accepted every panel of the manga as canon---which I don't, BTW---the Soujiro in my head would still move and think in a different way and have a subtly different history than the one in Nobuhiro Watsuki's head. This is because no two imaginations are quite the same, and I don't think that anyone who reads or watches such things is so devoid of imagination that they will extrapolate nothing from what they see, and if they did manage it, then any Soulbonds gotten from it would be broken records, only able to repeat their stories as ghosts walk that paths they did in life, even when walls have been built there since. I've never heard of this happening. So, while I'm a true believer in outsourcing, I have no time for yet another thing that's given the practice a bad name, people with outsourced SBs claiming that their interpretation is the only correct one. (Most of us are more responsible than that, rest assured, but sadly, I have seen it happen.)”
This creates friction from time to time in that we have a lot of people here. And other systems have a lot of people. From time to time, we run across other systems who have some of the same people we do.
That’s fine. We don’t discredit you. We don’t think our versions are better/more real than yours.
What is sometimes discomfiting is conversing with those ‘echoes,’ or even when other people’s ‘echoes’ want to converse with the people here. Now, to use the term that I’ve chosen, I’m sure I’m going to step on toes and hut someone’s feelings. I’m not trying to say that your version of any person is any less real than mine. What you’ve got to understand is that, while I don’t think your person is any less real, it may be difficult for me or any of mine that know our version to converse with your version, only because it tends to cause distress. It makes people feel unsettled. It’s lead to people questioning themselves. It’s lead to conflicts in which we’re told our version is wrong/not real, etc.
It’s difficult.
We’re always willing to put our best effort forward to try, but if we can’t, it’s not because we hate you/don’t believe you/ want to discredit you.
It’s our personal ability to interact with someone that someone is a mirror of....
It’s a personal thing. It has nothing to do with you.
This little rant went in so many different directions that I think, by now, I’ve lost the original point.
I’m going to leave this post unlocked for now, and link it from the userinfo, as I think it’s the best way to sum up our views on the community (which we hope will become more positive in the future) and on ourselves and our reactions to people.
This may have sounded hostile. It wasn’t intended to.
This journal is here, because we DO seek company. We DO seek people who understand. We DO want to find people we can trust and be open with and can converse with.
Online journaling has, in it’s different forms, brought us good things and bad. The bad seem to be more frequent than the good, but the good things...the bonds of friendship and understanding we’ve found...
Those make it worth wanting to try again.
Thank you to those of you who have encouraged us to keep trying to reach out.
Thank you to those of you who want to try and understand.
Thank you to those of you who do understand and have helped and supported us throughout the years and weeks and days.
Special thanks in particular to isshou_ni_utao and curiosity for unwavering trust, love, support and friendship. That issues from all of us.
-[Fire]
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| FYI |
[Nov. 21st, 2004|02:43 pm] |
Just a warning to those of you out there who wanna AIM us:
Please don't judge the entire group by one or two people. Who you may talk to may differ from day to day, so please inquire as to who you're speaking with. Occasionally the person you speak with may be shy or not have the courtesy to inform you that you aren't speaking with the same person you spoke with the last time if you've talked to us before.
There are a lot of us here, who cycle thorough and have our own things to be doing at different times, so it's not always possible for you to speak with whom you want to all the time.
That said, we are around to make friends, and have joined a few communities, because it'd be nice to be able to be honest about who we are, and make friends who know us individually and as a group, instead of only as the host. :D
Some people here are not as social and friendly as others. Some are gregarious and outgoing, and some may ask to be left alone, or have less to say, but that's the way it is with people, always. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 21st, 2004|02:42 pm] |
This journal is friends only.
You're welcome to leave a comment if you'd like to be added, but don't expect a whole lot of updates.
Not all people who comment will be added. If you're not, there's probably a good reason for it.
...that, or we just haven't gotten around to it yet. In which case, advanced apologies are issued. No one ever knows how frequently the journal will be checked or updated at any given time. Just something that happens when there are so many people in the system doing their own thing... |
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